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September 23, 2007

Wow, hey! This is boring...zZzz...


Umm..yup I am officially bored. I got three exams next week...there's french...and spanish...and science/biology. Ok, so I studied today. Well, well...I know french and spanish grammar now, ain't I cool? -.- Those are my better subjects anyway. And biology...maaan, this exam is taking place on thursday and 'till then I'll have so much free time and boredom that I'll better study THEN, not NOW ;) Interesting, huh? ... (I know I use these three dots so often but... xD I just like them...very much!) Damn I feel like >.<>.< Hmm..do I have to learn this "cell stuff blah blah" by heart- RIGHT NOW? OMG Waiiiit....I just saw a photo of Britney Spears' pussy...ok..ok.. umm, yeah, anyways. It's only 2PM and I am already bored. If I die next week they'll say at my funeral, "she had a lot of time but she didn't ever spend it properly". Urrrgh it's scary to talk of my own death...so...away with that! Well, about the so called "trouble" that I talked about in my last post...IT'S OVER!! (the trouble, I mean) Yup, and that's good. Everything is well. Except for that I guess I'll be very bad at school this year and I have absolutely no money. I will have to live with 5 Euro until November. And there's three birthdays upcoming and you know what this means. PRESENTS! ...have...to...be...paid. full stop. so yeah, that's my current situation. GOSH, IT IS SO BORING. [...] Why is boredom such a big thing in my life? Ok, thinking about studying biology now, you know, I'll write a bad mark anyways?! And..there's things I desire so much more that sitting here without doing anything. Really. But..no..sorry, not possible today. Umm did I tell you I dyed my hair? It's brown now. Yup. And no, I didn't tell you. xD Oh...I HATE MY P.E. CLASSES!! I mean...you know what P.E. class I got? Dancing. But standard dancing. And it sucks. I mean, It's just no fun for me at all. The time goes by so slowly there. I wanted to do hockey..or badminton..or normal dancing. But no, that didn't work with my schedule. Great. If I can't switch P.E. classes after half the year I'll die. Because then we're doing apparatus gymnastics. And, sorry, I will not do this. I am soo bad at it. So bad. I don't want that T_T Ok, enough of the cryin'. Biology. -.- I keep telling myself that I am young and so ready to study the whole day long. Ok. I physically am able to. My head might not explode. But..I AM SO TIRED OF IT. >_< boring..boring..boring ok, I'll try to study now. Alright, bye!

September 9, 2007

The shape of my heart


Hey guys... Well, I don't know. (Attention: I may sound confusing as hell today -.-) Yur, I don't really know what to say. But I feel the need to post here. I feel dizzy, suppressing the most urgent thoughts. Really, I don't know what to think so I try not to think of anything that matters. Well, ok, it obviously doesn't work. Thing is, I'm in trouble. [...] No need to talk about personal issues now, but...I just need to get something off my head. Have you (whomever might read this now) ever come across practising patience? I mean...patience sucks. I once wrote something about it...wait...here it is:
"Being patient is damn boring. There are no thoughts, because nothing happens. It's not about expressing hopes, because they'd be followed by a pace right to the aim. What am I to do if I want to be patient? If I don't think about it, I don't think and I start wondering if other things have any contents at all. I don't know what to do- patience alone cannot occupy me. Give me something with contents. A game while I wait. I don't want to sit here, still, being painted. I want to sit here, still, and paint..."
Umm...well I hope y'all understand 'cause I had to translate it from German. Hope I chose the right words and so... Damn, you know... people who rule patience must be genious. Like deep buddhists or something. I really try to occupy myself. I'm like an impatient child. I've made up a schedule for myself today. [...] I even thought about cleaning the stairs... I'm headsick, ain't I? Well, maybe just desperate. Hmm, and again, I just feel like I have to explain myself even if I don't call the problem by its real name. I don't expect psychological help now *lol* I just want to...empty my mind? I don't know. Feels like I'll never know today. Thank god there's no exam in school next week. If I had to study now, my head would surrender. That's it...oh happy day-wish you one!